It's just a load of newspaper and soap Prime Minister

The newspaper has stained my fingers. I feel the desire to run to the sink, roll up my sleeves and get the soap out of my pocket. But the sink is too far away. I can't get hold of the rim. I can't even reach it. The sink is too far away. Nonetheless, I can see it floating along the Thames as the Prime Minister talks to me. God the Prime Minister talks rubbish! I must absolutely get rid of him. Well at least for as long as it takes to wash my hands. "Excuse me Prime Minister, but it's imperative I get rid of you so that I can go wash my hands. By the way you talk rubbish and your newspaper is staining my fingers and face. I am removing this soap from your hands now!''

The Prime Minister sits, his arms swinging, not that this stops him from pursuing his speech. The Tube is packed, the passengers laugh in his face, but he continues his speech regardless, like nothing has happened, like his newspaper hasn't stained the whole carriage. The Prime Minister speaks, but the passengers do the same as me. They whistle for the sink. The Prime Minister hasn't yet quite understood that it is the soap hour. However, if he read the newspaper he'd know that at Kings Cross, at 8pm, everyone always has a wash in the sink. I manage to get to the sink before everyone else. I look for the Prime Ministers speech in my pocket, in the hope a piece of soap will fall out of it. The Prime Minister takes this opportunity to slip out of my hands and kick the sink. The sink lists a little then drifts amongst the flotsam of passengers. Direction Nation.

The Prime Minister says "But Ms Whirly, Nation is not in your direction" I reply " Prime Minister you're fired. Stop getting my newspaper dirty"

Euston Square starts crying. The Prime Minister gives me a look and says "If you're going to be like that, give me back my soap. I'll soap your back during the interval." His speech cries whilst he soaps my back. I dry myself with the Newspaper. Printed words appear back to front on my skin. "Ms Whirly" says the Prime Minister "Please try to write the right way round"
Everyone in the world mutters "That's so badly written, you can't even make out the spelling mistakes!" The people in the tube are horrid. You think it's easy for a soap to write left-handed?